What exactly *is* a sex machine, anyway?
You could argue that vibrators or anything with some sort of electronics is a machine... after all, our Lioness Vibrator is a sex toy built more like an early iPhone inside with a multilayer board and an array of sensors so you can track (and play by yourself or with partners) your every whim and desire.
Are basic vibes with on/off switches or more technologically advanced ones like the Lioness also considered machines?
From an engineering perspective, maybe they are. But in the realm of sex toys, vibrators are put in a different category than straight up machines, so we’ll treat these two categories differently.
A sex machine (also sometimes called a fuck machine) is usually bigger than a vibrator or a penis masturbator and uses mechanical components to make different movements or vibrations. They can thrust, vibrate, stroke or generally move. Although there are a lot of porn videos around the net of women using them, men and non-binary individuals can also use sex machines for vaginal, anal, penile, and clitoral stimulation, as well as general orgasmic bliss. These machines usually do not fit inside your nightstand drawer, but what they lack in compactness they make up for in power, customizability, and functionality.
What do I look for in a sex machine?
1. Works out-of-the-box or DIY sex machine?
Depending on your comfort with building things, you may want to find a more out-of-box solution... or maybe the homemade sex machine approach might be PERFECT for you.
The machines that are more DIY can be more easily customized and changed if you want to try different things, whereas some of the out-of-the-box machines may be more limited in their options, depending on the type of machine you are considering. If you're just looking for your fucking machine to fucking work, make the investment to get something that's easy to use so you can spend less time troubleshooting and more time playing.
2. Material quality
As with all sex toys, materials and build quality matter. Especially since many lower-cost sex machines easily start in the hundreds of dollars, you'll probably want something that will last for a while. Furthermore, if you’re looking for a machine that will penetrate any part of the body, you’ll want to look for something that uses nonpourous materials such as medical grade silicone so you can stay clean, healthy, and infection-free while having fun.
If you want a few tips on how to find and take care of your toys, we wrote some here.
3. High tech or old school?
Some machines also use software to enable wireless remote control or even connect to virtual reality (if you’re curious about high tech products in general click here).
The Lioness can be remotely controlled in a room (wifi control coming soon), the Cowgirl can be remotely controlled from anywhere around the world, and the Fleshlight LAUNCH can be controlled and synced with VR so you can imagine you’re actually in your fantasy scenes! There are even some efforts to integrate AI into some toys which we’ll get more into later.
4. To Amazon Or Not To Amazon?
There are a lot of sex machines on Amazon. Depending on the machine you’re looking at, a lot of them are not very reliable and have negative reviews or more neutral-positive reviews from people who are clearly comfortable with tinkering.
As this classic Cracked article says:
“If Amazon reviews are indicative of the sex machine community at large, those are exactly the type of people you want around if you ever need to escape a hostage situation with only two paperclips and an apple corer. Maybe it seems intuitive that the same people who have sex with machines would be gear heads, but this extends beyond a casual enthusiasm. Most of these people sound like they could put a car engine together blindfolded.”
This isn’t applicable to all machines on Amazon. Just do your research and read the reviews to get a sense of whether this is the type of machine you want.
5. Do you want add-ons in the future?
You can often purchase some additional attachments for some sex machines, or you can get everything you need in one package. It depends on what sort of experience you’re looking for overall, how much work it requires to add on, and if you want a variety of experiences over time or know that you really want this one sex machine, just the way it is.
What kind of sex machines are out there?
Sex machines can be categorized into the following product types:
Saddles
A sex saddle is a mount that you sit on...with the intention of feeling really, really good. Saddles usually come with a variety of attachments you can grind against or be penetrated by. They can also be extremely powerful. And loud. As mentioned by this Gizmodo writer reviewing a saddle:
“I plugged in, and without hesitating, in the spirit of Spinal Tap, I cranked it to 11. My roommate stared on, aghast and charmed...My roommate isn’t a prude; she would just rather not know when I have mounted what is essentially a car engine and am taken to the highway of sheer, sexual bliss. And who can fault her for it?”
As she (correctly) states, if you’re looking for really intense stimulation or to play out a fantasy, this can be perfect for you. If noise is an issue for you and you prefer to be stealthy, this is not for you.
Saddles to watch:
- The Sybian is THE OG sex saddle. They’ve been shipping them for over 30 years. Howard Stern even owns one, and guests have used it on the air before.
- The Cowgirl is the 21st century answer to the Sybian. It’s sleek and classy AF, and it can also be remotely controlled via an app from your partner anywhere around the world. It appears to be less powerful than the Sybian at max power, but if you’re looking for a lighter ride that may very well be a good thing. You can find Cowgirl at Amazon, Pleasure Chest, or The Stockroom.
- Motorbunny is another 21st century answer to the Sybian. It’s known for its “Spinal Tap” 11/10 setting, so if you want to go even more powerful than the Sybian can even provide, check this one out. It also can connect remotely but requires an additional add-on whereas the Cowgirl app is included with purchase. It also has a prostate add-on called the “Keister Bunny” for backdoor-only stimulation.
Gliders
Gliders are similar to the saddle in that you mount it, but unlike the aforementioned saddles, they’re powered by your body. No plugs or cords required. You can control the speed and vigor of penetration with your own body's movements. You can use pretty much any attachment that is compatible with vac-u-lock dildos or prostate stimulators, so you have a world of selection open to you in that regard.
This one by XR Brands/Lovebotz is a pretty solid Glider choice.
Thrusters
As you see, a lot of these categories also describe the type of stimulation they provide. Thrusters, well, thrust. Automatically. You can find the cool looking device above over at The Stockroom (and stock up on attachments to your heart's content).
You can get anything from a free-standing machine to a “drilldo”-like device. You can also technically make one yourself with power tools if you want to get creative, but there is the infamous case of a woman who was injured by a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade (eeeeeep). So tread carefully…get something that is well-built and safe!
Thrusters to watch:
- KTM Sex Machines: KTM has been selling high quality, made in the USA sex machines since 1999. Each machine purchased by them has an Ironclad Lifetime Warranty, so should anything ever happen to the machine (within reason of course), you’re covered.
- Shockspot: Shockspot also produces high quality sex machines and focus on being the most technologically advanced and powerful thrusters out there. They’re one of the only ones I know of that can be controlled by computer software and gives you a lot of customizability to create the precise experience you want. They also produce dual penetration as well as single penetration models. Find Shockspot at The Stockroom.
Strokers
Yup, strokers stroke automatically. Hands-free. They can go extremely fast (if you want that) and can never get tired!
- Venus 2000 is the OG stroker, equivalent to Sybian as the OG sex saddle. It can stroke anywhere between 8 strokes to 300 strokes per minute. It’s also the only product on the market that allows you to reach orgasm with or without an erection. You can also get a personalized fit so the pleasure feels just right.
- Fleshlight Launch is compatible with any Fleshlight stroker. What makes this device special is its higher tech qualities. You can have it sync to your favorite pair of VR goggles for some VR porn. It can also be controlled by a partner with compatible toys.
Dolls
Now, dolls can be their own category (and article) entirely, but I figure since they’re not something that can fit into a nightstand and can get pretty complex, they’re worth mentioning in this article. They are lifesized, human-like forms that you can have sex with.
Realdoll is the main name in town to mention here. It was started by Matt McMullen nearly 20 years ago, an artist who was looking for a way to create as realistic of a human as possible. His solution ended up being *too* realistic — people said that he should make sex dolls (jokingly and not-so-jokingly). Eventually, he did.
Most of the dolls you’ll see on the site look like women, but you can customize your doll from head to toe (with a few limitations). You can also make dolls that look like men, and you can choose to get a RealCock (or RealCock 2) if you want your doll to have a penis.
The same folks that are working on Realdoll are also working on Realbotix, which is basically a Realdoll that has AI-capabilities. It’ll be interactive, warm, and sensitive to touch. It may also be able to have a basic conversation. A step closer towards the Uncanny Valley, if you will... or Westworld.
If the dolls would burn too big of a hole in your pocket or are just not your thing, Realdolls also creates some high-quality, comparatively less expensive booby balls that can double as stress balls. NGL, I’ve been eyeing those for a while. 😛
Honorable Mentions
These don’t fit into any “common” categories, but they’re worth mentioning. You can find some pretty creative sex contraptions out there!
This one reminds me of that one South Park episode. You know the one. It may not match the speeds of Mr. Garrison’s new method of transportation, but it has been available well before Elon Musk’s hyperloop...
And then there’s this thruster that also doubles as a pogo stick. Or is it a pogo stick that doubles as a thrusting dildo?
So, that’s an introduction on the world of sex machines. Whether you’re in the market for one or are just curious about what’s out there, hopefully this will show you the array of options that are available!
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