By Liz Klinger, CEO & Co-founder of Lioness
Maybe you’ve tried using a vibrator a few times before, or maybe it’s your first time. Regardless, learning how to use a new vibrator and having a good time can be a bit of a feat if you’re not used to it.
Fortunately, enjoying yourself with a sex toy is not impossible. I like to think of learning how to use sex toys like learning how to ride a bicycle: it might feel a bit awkward at first, and you might fail a few (or many) times.
But once you’ve figured it out, it’ll come naturally and you’ll be like a fish swimming in water!
My first vibrator experience
For those of you out there who are not sure where to start, may feel intimidated, or think you should know this information already, let me share what some of my early vibrator experiences were like so you know that you’re not alone.
Before I began making my own smart vibrators and could fill a closet full of sex toys (some of it is for work, after all), I didn’t orgasm the first time I used a vibrator. In fact, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing with the sex toy if we’re to be totally honest here.
I bought a basic looking $16 vibrators from Spencers, one of those edgy novelty stores in malls everywhere at the time. There was no direction or guidance for how to use it. I thought I had to use it vaginally and that it would feel good using it that way… but it didn’t. It felt like sticking a cheap plastic thing in my vagina. It didn’t feel good. The vibration was a faint buzz and I didn’t feel like much of anything.
If I were in that situation again, I’d do a lot differently. Below are 5 tips (plus a few other nuggets of info at the end!) I’d tell my younger, pre-vibrator self that hopefully will be helpful for you today!
1. Pick at least one vibrator to try, if not more
Seriously, don’t be afraid to try more than one kind of vibrator if you can. Not all vibrators are created equal and everyone’s bodies and preferences are different. Nowadays there are many low-cost options available that are decent quality (not the cheap plastic thing I got), especially now that there are so many more companies out there making body safe sex toys.
If you want more in-depth tips on how to buy a vibrator for the first time, I’ve written a guide on that here that you can check out in detail. For the purposes of this guide, I’ll say here that for a first toy, I recommend thinking about how you currently masturbate and experience sexual pleasure (if you do currently) and get a toy that accentuates what you already like.
- Do you like rubbing your clitoris? Get at least one toy that provides at least moderate stimulation.
- Enjoy g-spot/vaginal penetration? Check out the selection of different sizes and features of g-spot dildos and vibrators.
- Do you have a vulva and have had difficulty having an orgasm? Check out products like the Magic Wand or Wahl (Magic Wand’s more price conscious sibling) that provides stronger stimulation and a larger surface area.
- Do you have a penis and want to check out different forms of stroking or vibrations? Check out the different strokers out there (and check out our guide for some examples).
- Interested in anal or prostate play? Butt plugs and anal beads may be your thing!
This is not to say that you shouldn’t go for different tools to open up new things to try such as g-spot orgasms, anal orgasms, blended orgasms, remote control vibrators and other smart vibrators, or whatever new sensation that piques your interest. But at least for a first toy, if you want a better chance of having a pleasurable experience with it, try something that’s based on what you’re already accustomed to.
2. Set expectations ahead of time: Enjoy the journey, not just the climax
Before you lay in bed or turn on the water faucet in the shower, set expectations of what you’d like to do ahead of time. Although the orgasm is thought of as the goal and the conclusion to a sexual experience, hinging whether you enjoyed something over having an orgasm will likely set you up for disappointment.
There is so much more to sex, masturbation, and using sex toys than whether or not you had an orgasm. Each time you are intimate with yourself, you can learn a bit more about yourself, you can feel good, and you can feel good about setting aside time for yourself for relaxation and self-care.
Having an orgasm doesn’t mean you had a great experience, and not having an orgasm doesn’t mean you had a bad experience.
Also, whether or not you’ve had an orgasm doesn’t make or break the experience. There may be times where you do have an orgasm but feel like the experience is kind of meh. Similarly, there may be times where you don’t have an orgasm but the experience was still great and you feel a lot better versus before you started.
Ironically, you may find that by enjoying the moment and all the different aspects of your experience, you’re more likely to experience greater pleasure… and yes, maybe even orgasm.
3. Make yourself comfortable
Find a time and place (physically and mentally) to get accustomed to your new toy. If you’re stressed, thinking about work you need to do, too focused on just having an orgasm (vs enjoying the entire experience), or have kids or other creatures at your door every 5 minutes, it’ll be difficult to have a positive experience you’ll want to repeat. If you’re preoccupied with something completely unrelated to the new sensations you’re feeling and/or a fantasy you enjoy thinking about, that’ll also make it hard to enjoy using a vibrator (or enjoy anything, really).
Even 10-15 minutes can be enough for a session to at least try out your new vibrator and get to know how it works. The place could be your bedroom or shower behind a locked door. You can be alone, or if you are more comfortable with it, be with a trusted partner if they’re supportive of you exploring and trying something new (i.e. also not just waiting/expecting an orgasm).
If you need help focusing on the moment or staying relaxed, a quick meditation session (1 minute or more) before masturbation can be helpful for getting in the mood. Also, thinking about a fantasy you’ve enjoyed or using erotica or pornography can also set the mood (if you need ideas, we have a curated selection of ethical sources here).
4. Remember that it’s ok if you don’t get the hang of it the first few times
Trying anything new for the first time can be kind of clumsy and may not end up being what you hoped it would be — and that’s perfectly O.K. It’s actually quite common. I mean, look at it this way — Picasso didn’t create his famous artworks when he first picked up the paintbrush. It took time, experimentation, and practice. Any skill is the same way, and yes, that includes masturbation and different sexual techniques.
You’re not going to be the Picasso or Beethoven of masturbation (yet) when you first pick up that fun new sex toy. It may take some time and trying different things over time until you figure out what makes you tick… and you may also learn new things along the way as you age, your body and preferences change, and try different things.
5. Try different techniques with your sex toy
Especially when you’re using a new type of toy, don’t be afraid to try different things with it! Play around with different levels of vibrations, put more or less pressure on places that feel good, try rubbing or grinding on it, and try different positions (laying on your back, laying on your belly, standing, etc). You can also practice techniques like edging (intentionally delaying your climax) to see if that is more pleasurable for you. If you invest in more than one sex toy, you can also try out different shapes and surface areas; combining different types of stimulation can provide different types of experiences.
After a while you may have some go-tos that you may particularly enjoy. Over time, if you’re craving something new or different you can switch up your techniques — for example, rub in a different way or try a different position than what you typically do — anything that piques your interest at the time. You might find that something you didn’t care for as much when you first started trying a new sex toy becomes your new favorite go-to!
Common vibrator questions
I can’t close this out without addressing a few common vibrator questions I often hear from people who are thinking about trying a vibrator for the first time.
Will I become desensitized by my vibrator?
In short, no (if you want a more in-depth answer, we cover the topic more extensively here). Studies have shown that there isn’t any prolonged desensitization from using vibrators. Anecdotally there has been discussion that you might experience temporary desensitization, such as if you are using something that is known to be very strong (such as the Magic Wand) and then immediately switch to manual stimulation of the clitoris/vulva, for example. However, the desensitization in those cases are short-term and have not been permanent.
How do I clean my vibrator?
Soap and water, as easy as washing your hands, especially if the sex toys are waterproof. While there are products out there that are marketed to clean sex toys and do work, you probably already have what you need at home to keep them clean. We go into more info on different ways to clean and sanitize sex toys here if you want to check out more options!
How do I best store my sex toy?
If your sex toy comes with a pouch, we recommend using that pouch to store the toy and the charger to keep it from gathering dust somewhere.
Generally just having your vibe in a drawer should be sufficient (especially if you have one or a couple). If you find that you need better storage options (locks to keep prying hands and eyes away, more storage space) we wrote a guide here that’s dedicated to different types of sex toy storage options.
How do I keep my vibrators charged?
If you’ve been in the situation of having a vibrator die mid-session, you know how much of a bummer that can be. Here is how you can keep your vibrators charged up and ready to go so you can avoid being disappointed.
If you haven’t bought your sex toy yet, decide whether you prefer a vibrator that requires external batteries, plugs into the wall, or has a rechargeable battery (usually rechargeable via USB). All of these have their pros and cons:
External Batteries
Pros: If you run out of charge you can just pop new batteries in and you’re ready to go!
Note: I’ve personally found that ones that require AA batteries can provide pretty reasonable power (as long as the vibration motor is set up to be rumbly as well). Anything larger batteries that provide more power may get heavy to hold, anything weaker (e.g. AAA or coin cell batteries) tends to produce buzzier/weaker vibrations that might be harder to feel versus other types of vibrators.
Cons: You have to buy or recharge batteries. These vibrators are also typically not waterproof, so don't use in the bath tub or shower unless the product is explicitly stated as being waterproof. Also, I've personally found that vibrators that use AAA batteries or smaller tend to not produce as much power, if that's important to you.
Rechargeable
Pros: You don’t have to buy batteries or recharge external batteries each time it runs out of charge. It also provides a good amount of power for the size and weight of most batteries. When you need to recharge it, just plug it into a USB port or wall outlet when you need to charge it or plug it into a portable charger and tuck it into a drawer so it can discreetly charge!
Cons: If it’s gone kaput, you need to charge it. Also if you leave it at 0 battery and uncharged for a long period of time, you may affect the overall battery life of your vibrator.
Wall Plug-in
Pros: Stronger vibrations because the power is sourced from the wall outlet. Can run as long as your electricity is running.
Cons: Limited places to use your vibrator because you have to have it plugged in. Usually not portable. Plug in = stronger vibrations = tends to be louder. And like blowdryers for your hair, don't use electronic corded products near the tub or shower — these aren't waterproof!
Enjoy the journey!
Hopefully these tips will help you have an enjoyable and pleasurable experience! If you need more ideas on how to change up your experience and increase your pleasure, we have more sex guides as well as a blog and video series on how different things can change arousal and orgasm.
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