In the days since the worldwide Black Lives Matter protests began in the spring, we have been finding ways to heal and be better, slowly but surely. We’ve transformed our anger into action. We joined book clubs to learn more about racial justice. We’ve initiated difficult conversations about race in our own communities. We voted a problematic president out of the White House.
But one area of racial justice that’s often overlooked is right in the center of our homes: the bedroom.
You might have heard terms like “daddy issues,” “thirsty,” or “dramatic” to describe the behavior of women and femmes who face difficulties with unhealthy relationships and sexual patterns. Attachment theory—the study of how childhood attachment patterns affect how we act in adult relationships—can help explain some of these patterns, no slut-shaming undertone required.
Maybe you’re a serial monogamist trying to see what the wild world of casual dating has to offer. Maybe you find yourself constantly chasing emotionally unavailable people. Maybe you can’t figure out why you can’t stop texting bae 85 times in a row when you’re upset.
When you’re ready to break out of a pattern that no longer serves you, attachment theory can help you make sense of intense emotions and impulses.
Feel like your sex life’s been a bit lacking lately (if not outright nonexistent)? Yeah, that’s kind of a thing right now.
In a survey by the app Mentimeter and relationship therapist Vienna Pharaon, 36% of people in the U.S. and Europe said the spark between them and their partners has dwindled since quarantine, and 41% were having less sex.
Anyone else surprised those numbers aren’t higher?
The reason this is happening is fairly simple: People’s libidos drop when they’re under stress, says MFT and sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger, LMFT, CST.
It may not be a surprise to some women, but a new study that came out just last year shows that the longer a woman is in a committed long term relationship, the more likely it is that her libido will decrease.
The study concluded that women need variety and novelty in their sexual experiences to stay interested.
This article condenses research on the nature of female desire in long-term heterosexual relationships.