Last summer, after my last relationship ended, a friend encouraged me to revel in my newfound freedom by going to sex parties. Yup, those are what they sound like — parties for sex.
But for me, they were much more than that. They were places for me to meet sex-positive people, overcome shame, and get to know my sexuality.
Over the course of the past year or so, I’ve attended upwards of a dozen sex parties, which put me onan emotional journey that ultimately increased my confidence, openness, and willingness to take risks.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way that have helped me progress in my sex life and my life overall.
The first rule of Masturbation Club is how you masturbate is up to you. Your body, your choice.
And it’s true that masturbation looks very different for all of us; some of us may be pillow-humpers, some of us may enjoy penetrative sex toys, and some of us may just enjoy some spit and our own hands.
The second rule, though, is masturbation can be fun when it’s mutual!
Before you ask, yes, mutual masturbation is different than having sex with a partner—even though it is just as fun!
Racing heart, shallow breathing, tensed muscles, and goosebumps. Sounds pretty sexy, right? Not always.
If we look closely, the physical symptoms of anxiety can overlap with some things we experience during sex and arousal. Though they share these physical experiences, anxiety and sex are not happy bedfellows. “Anxiety is a major contributor to diminishing frequency of sex and diminishing capacity for enjoyment of sex,” says Colorado-based certified sex therapist Indigo Stray Conger.
Let’s explore some of the more common ways anxiety can impact your sex life (and some tips to find let go and enjoy sex again!).