Vanilla sex get a bad wrap. For most folks, it calls boring, unenthusiastic sex to mind. For others, it feels a little too "cis-het, only in missionary with your eyes closed."
Now, I throw no shade at anyone who enjoys either depiction of sex above, but I do want to make a case for vanilla sex and why you should keep it as another delicious flavor in your sexual appetite:
What is Vanilla Sex?
Vanilla sex is kind of hard to define. For most, it's synonymous with "conventional sex." Now, I won't get into why that's potentially problematic (hint: sex is not just P in V), but I will say that it does make defining it a bit easier.
For the sake of this blog, we're going to define vanilla sex as the following:
Vanilla sex is sex that is not particularly "taboo." It is the kind of sex that a society or community would call "usual" or "routine."
Now, to be honest, even that definition doesn't sit well within my soul. With so much variation out there, vanilla sex can mean different things to different people. Whether it means missionary, the four "bases" of dating, or something entirely different to you, the take away here is the same: vanilla sex is sexy.
Is Vanilla Sex Bad?
Look, sex is only bad when you feel like it's bad. If you enjoy vanilla sex—whatever that means to you—then it's just as good as any other kind you might also have (or not have)!
All too often, mainstream media and movies place a lot of emphasis on "spicing up your sex life" and trying all these new fancy sex toys, positions, lubes, etc. And it's really easy to internalize that if you're constantly being bombarded with those messages.
When you remove the gimmicks and headlines, all the pressure to be anything but "vanilla" is just that: pressure. At the end of the day, if missionary gets you off most of the time, go for it. If you're hot and heavy just thinking about your lover getting to second base, you do you boo!
Vanilla sex isn't inherently bad or boring, and it's certainly not worth dismissing.
Why Keep Vanilla Sex on the Table?
If we're going to ignore the onslaught of "be a sex panther/kitten" and "try all the things!", it's actually really easy to consider why vanilla sex is a great idea. In short, vanilla sex can remove a lot of the weird trial and error that we talk about when we encourage experimenting with your pleasure.
When you try new things in the bedroom, you have to prepare for some flops and failures. Maybe a riding crop sounds fun but feels awful in the thick of it. Or perhaps you're just not flexible enough for that one position from that one magazine. New sexual experiences can be exciting, but they can also be a crapshoot.
Much like skin care routines and work schedules, however, vanilla sex can offer us a more predictable, easy going approach to sex that we can count on.
In fact, if you and your partner(s) are so in sync with your version of conventional sex, you can use your time in between the sheets for other things like building intimacy, spending time together, relieving stress, or just enjoying the touch and feel of each other's bodies. Hell, if you can be brought to orgasm following a few steps during sex, more power to you!
What's more is that vanilla sex can also be thought of as a base for those sexcapades you decide to go on. By doing what works for you and your partner(s) you can sprinkle tiny bits of spice into your sex however you want, when you want. And if it doesn't work, removing the "spice" and going right back into what does feel good is easy and less likely to kill the mood.
Don't Knock It, Try It!
Gone are the days of thinking of vanilla sex as basic or dull. It's time to give vanilla credit for what it is: tasty, consistent, and an absolutely perfect way to start a Sunday. 😉
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