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Mutual Masturbation Versus Solo Play

couple holding hands

Is it possible to know which is better?

By Stephanie Delgado, featuring Chloe Drimal

The first rule of Masturbation Club is how you masturbate is up to you. Your body, your choice.

And it’s true that masturbation looks very different for all of us; some of us may be pillow-humpers, some of us may enjoy penetrative sex toys, and some of us may just enjoy some spit and our own hands.

The second rule, though, is masturbation can be fun when it’s mutual!

Before you ask, yes, mutual masturbation is different than having sex with a partner—even though it is just as fun!  

So let’s take a look at the basics...

What is mutual masturbation? 

If you’ve ever wondered how mutual masturbation is different from partnered sex, here’s your answer: mutual masturbation involves two or more people masturbating together. This means that each party is essentially responsible for their own pleasure by touching themselves and providing their own stimulation.

That’s not to say there isn’t any pleasure to be had in viewing the other person(s). 

Here are a few examples of what mutual masturbation can look like:

  • Two people, in a bed, masturbating simultaneously
  • Masturbating with a partner over video chat
  • A group of people all masturbating in a room together, using one another as visual stimulation
  • Phone sex!
  • Masturbating while allowing someone else to physically stimulate you (for example, by kissing, touching, holding, etc.)

Don’t worry if you don’t see your own idea of mutual masturbation on our list; how you choose to take part in mutual masturbation is totally between you and your partner(s). (But don’t forget the most important rule: consent.)

couple embracing nose to nose

Why would anyone choose mutual masturbation over solo play?

In order to understand why someone might want to take part in mutual masturbation, it helps to think of masturbation as another “type” of sex, like oral sex or anal sex. Alternatively, you can also think of it as another type of sexual position, like 69 or doggy-style. 

When you consider mutual masturbation as an additional sexual experience you and your partner(s) can have together, it may be easier to understand or explore.

When you dig a little deeper and consider kinks and turn-ons, adding mutual masturbation into your sex life allows for a little indulgence. Specifically, people with voyeuristic or exhibitionist kinks and fantasies may find mutual masturbation especially exciting. 

On the other hand, people, who prefer to get in and get off when they masturbate can find having another person in the mix distracting. Personal barriers can also stand in the way of allowing someone to truly enjoy mutual masturbation, such as being self-conscious in front of a partner or uncertainty around how to masturbate.

And finally, sometimes partners simply cannot be physically together. In this instance, and with the magic of technology, mutual masturbation is simply the next best thing to partnered sex. 

man watching on his computer

Using the Lioness Vibrator during mutual masturbation

We talk a lot about the Lioness Vibrator and its ability to help you visualize and understand your pleasure. Using the smart vibrator to find out if mutual masturbation is a turn-on or turn-off for you is no exception.

Check out the essay below from one of our very own Lioness users, Chloe. Perhaps her own story of mutual masturbation and the Lioness Vibrator will inspire you to create your own!

Me & my Lioness; a journey into masturbation

It took me a bit to like sex, I didn’t understand what the fuss was all about until my second boyfriend.  

Masturbation took me a bit longer to discover. I didn’t own a vibrator until age twenty, but now I don’t go a day without masturbating at least once. 

Masturbating with a partner took me the longest to discover (twenty-seven), but it certainly results in my favorite, most intense orgasm. My body shakes more than during sex or personal masturbation, my mind completely shuts down and I’m fully in my body, fully able to embrace every bit of pleasure, while still feeling deeply connected to my partner through his kisses and the perfect amount of nipple sucking action.  

It all makes sense, now that I’ve had time to analyze it. I focus on my clit, a part of my body that I certainly know best, and one which appreciates a certain precision—I  need all the stimulation on a certain part on the right side of my clitoris—while he focuses on everything else, kissing me, licking me, and holding me tight.

I was excited to use the Lioness to put data behind my hypothesis that I was having more heightened orgasms while masturbating with a partner. It not only proved that, but it also made me realize how much quicker I reach orgasm with my partner versus masturbation alone. 

Below the green and red lines are masturbation sessions with my partner, the blue is a session alone. 

chloe's graph comparision

Above: Comparison of all three sessions by length.
Below: Comparison of orgasms.
chloe's comparison of orgasms

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What does your pleasure look like? The Lioness can help you find out!

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