When we were kids, we were taught to share our toys. When we’re adults, however, the thought of handing over our favorite vibrator can seem a little taboo and, dare I say it, dirty.
But with a little sex education, proper boundaries, and intention, sharing sex toys can be a really great way to connect in the bedroom! (Or somewhere else, if having orgasms outside of your bedroom is your thing.)
Can I get an STI from sharing a sex toy?
The short answer is yes, you can get an STI from sharing a sex toy.
In order for an STI to pass from one person to the next, there needs to be an exchange of bodily fluids (blood, semen, vaginal secretion, anal fluids, etc.), skin-to-skin contact, and/or mucous membrane contact like your mouth and throat. Obviously, sharing sex toys can eliminate skin-to-skin and mucous membrane contact, but the risk of bodily fluid exchange is still there.
If someone with an STI uses a sex toy and then shares it with another person, they risk spreading their infection. This risk, however, can be mitigated through proper hygiene, prophylactics, and choosing sex toy materials that can be sanitized, not just cleaned.
That said, you won’t get an STI from sharing sex toys if certain conditions are not met. If two partners without STIs share a toy, there is no risk of transmission (but maybe a yeast infection or two, depending on partner anatomy, material, and cleansers.)
Best material for sharing sex toys with partners
Before you share custody of a brand new vibe with a partner, you’ll need to consider what material that toy is made of. If either partner has an STI, certain materials will lend themselves to spreading that infection, while others will have the option of full sterilization.
- Porous materials like jelly, rubber, and plastics are not ideal for sharing sex toys. These materials are notorious for harboring bacteria and viruses — even after cleaning — because they can’t be sanitized.
- Non-porous materials like medical-grade silicone, glass and stainless steel are great options for sharing sex toys. Since these materials are non-porous, they can be fully sterilized in order to eliminate STI transmission between partners. (In case you’re wondering, the Lioness Smart Vibrator is made of medicaal-grade silicone.) The caveat here, however, is that this only works for sharing toys with a partner if one partner is using the toy and cleaning it after before another partner uses it too. If you’re hoping to share a sex toy with partner(s) during partnered sex, we’ll need to cover a few more bases.
How to safely share a sex toy during sex
If you want to get up and properly clean and sanitize a toy so that you can share it during sex, more power to you. This is one way to safely share a sex toy during sex!
If you’re looking for a less disruptive option, however, that lets you stay in sexual flow during the deed, look no further than good old-fashioned condoms and dental dams! Barrier methods are a great way to make sharing a sex toy during sex seamless and as safe as possible.
Condoms can be placed over penetrative sex toys and removed to allow all partners the chance to use the toy without cleaning it, and dental dams allow the same for external toys like bullet vibrators and clit suckers.
Just don’t share barrier methods, otherwise, the risk is back up to 100%.
What to look out for after sharing sex toys
If you didn’t know how to share sex toys with a partner until now, safely — or if you skirted some techniques in the heat of the moment — that’s okay. STIs are a normal risk of having sex with other people, and sometimes they happen.
Here are some symptoms and signs to watch out for if you’re worried you’ve contracted an STI:
- Unusual discharge from the vagina, penis, or anus
- Burning during urination
- Sores
- Pain during masturbation or sex
If you’ve got access to a healthcare provider, going in for a quick check is always an option. Routine STI testing is also a great way to catch some of these things as they happen, or if they happen to be slower to fully present (such as HIV and HPV).
Sex toys can be shared safely with partners
It’s not dirty or wrong to want to share your toys as an adult. In fact, it’s a really great way to heighten sexual pleasure and deepen intimacy — or just have a really fun time! The important thing to remember here is that being safer is being sexy.
Whether you’re having casual sex or in a long-term relationship with one or many partners, safely sharing sex toys is a possibility, but the risk of STIs is there. Taking proper precautions through sanitization, barrier methods, and routine testing can all help limit transmission, and there is no shame in any of it!
