As a sex educator, I’m in a lot of online, sex positive forums and spaces. After all, these are the places people are asking the most important questions related to sex (not to mention sex is pretty much my favorite topic in the whole wide world).
One topic that comes up quite often is the topic of porn. It seems the internet is really divided on the subject and cannot agree if it’s normal, if it’s cheating, if it’s ethical, and more.
So join me as I get into the world of pornography and some definitive answers to your burning questions!
Is it normal to watch porn?
Yes! Not only is it normal to watch porn, but it’s normal to read it, to listen to it, and to even make your own. (You didn’t really think taking nudes was anything other than DIY porn, did you?)
We’ll get a bit more into what each of those encompass, but the bottom line is this: pornography is a normal and common sexual tool. It’s arousing, it’s enticing, and it’s indulgent. So if it gets you off, let yourself enjoy it.
Not all porn is created equally
The most important thing you can do as a pornography user is make sure you’re consuming ethical porn. And before you roll your eyes, hear me out.
The truth is that not all porn is created equally. Here are some ways to gauge whether what you’re consuming is ethical based on the type of content you’re consuming:
- Big Brand Porn/Production Companies: Ethical pornography in this category will keep porn stars safe sexually and financially. Actors and models will make fair wages regardless of gender, health checks are normal and built into production, everyone is over the age of 18, etc.
- Homemade/Amateur Porn: Ethical homemade or amateur porn is going to be consensual, first and foremost. Uploading sexual content without every party’s consent is a violation (and illegal), so if you’re unsure about the consent behind the content, err on the side of caution and find something else.
- OnlyFans: This one is very much like amateur porn in that you want to be sure the creator is who they say they are and the pornography is being shared consensually. In addition to this, however, you need to decide where you stand on outsourcing sexy paid conversations or AI enhanced visuals. If you’re cool sexting someone the creator pays and don’t mind unrealistic body modification, then go for it! If you are, consider looking for a creator that really fits in with your values before clicking subscribe.
What kinds of porn are there?
There are three types of porn you can consume if you want to give naughty content a try:
- Visual Porn: This is what people tend to think of when they hear the word porn. Visual porn is any type of sexual videos, pictures, and images meant to arouse. (Again, this includes sending and receiving nudes from sexual partners!)
- Audio Porn:Audio pornography is porn you listen to — whether it’s a spicy voice note from a partner or opening up your favorite spicy stories audio app. And yes, those viral audio videos on TikTok that get you hot and bothered totally count as audio porn.
- Erotica:Are you into fairy smut? Do you go back through your sexting sessions to turn yourself on? Congratulations! You’re an erotica porn user; that is, you prefer to read your porn!
Is it normal to dislike porn or find it unarousing?
Absolutely! If there’s anything you learn from reading our Sex Guides, let it be this: sexual arousal, orgasm, and pleasure are unique to each of us. The ways in which we engage ourselves sexually are vast, and there’s no one thing that's going to work for all of us.
Porn is not immune to this truth. Some people are going to watch porn and be wholly unaroused, while others may hear it and be turned off or read it and have trouble engaging in it at all. Whether you’re aroused or unaffected by exposure to porn, it’s generally a normal reaction either way.
Isn’t porn just for men?
No, porn isn’t just for men. But if you’re a woman and you think porn is just for men —or if just hearing the word alone feels off putting —you’re not alone. So much of mainstream porn is geared towards cis-het men, that many people with vulvas often fall into accepting that it’s simply not for them or find that it’s not very arousing when they do go in search of it.
This experience is so prevalent, in fact, that an entire genre of porn was created to make porn feel more accessible —pornography for women.
On some sites, this means more romance and kissing. For others, this means intentionally representing various body types and relationships. All of it, however, tends to decenter male pleasure (unless you’re into that) and emphasizes female pleasure and female agency. (We are big fans of platforms like Afterglow and Dipsea, if you’re looking for suggestions. Both do a wonderful job creating erotic content for people without penises and queer people.)
Will I get addicted to porn?
This is a great question to ask — and a really common one. Fortunately, the answer is no, you’re not going to get clinically addicted to porn.
But wait! You read that story about that woman on Facebook having no sex life because her partner wouldn’t stop watching porn — like, he was doing it when he was driving, right? Surely that’s a thing that happens to people?
Well, yes and no. More often than not, the problems associated with using pornography are better described as one of two things:
- Compulsive Pornography Use:Compulsive masturbation and porn watching are disruptive to life; they get in the way of work, self-care, relationships, etc. but that’s problematic behavior, not necessary clinical addiction.
- Moral incongruence:Moral incongruence comes down to a disconnect between what someone believes and their behaviors . For example, someone who has religious reservations about viewing porn may experience moral incongruence deriving pleasure from watching it. (Another great example of moral incongruence is when someone is aroused by consensual nonconsent but feels shame or guilt about that, but I digress.)
Regardless of compulsive pornography use or moral incongruence, however, porn addiction remains too heavily debated to be considered a legitimate reason not to at least try porn. (And if you are still concerned and have a trusted therapist or doctor to discuss your concerns with, talking to them first may help you make the choice as well —just remember this opens up the door for their own biases to influence their advice.)
I want to try masturbating with porn. What do I do?
First of all, get excited! Porn is a really hot, fun, and accessible sexual tool that you are allowed to explore with enthusiasm.
When you’re ready to really give porn a try, think about the type of sex you like having, or the type of sex you wish you could have and seek it out. Whether you’re listening to your porn, watching it, or reading it, starting with things that you already know turn you on can make it easy to settle into the fantasy you’re engaging in.
At worst, you’ll find that pornography just doesn’t work for you. At best, however, you’ll open up a world of exploring sexual fantasies and kinks that you may not have found otherwise, taking your pleasure to new heights.
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