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Why do women fake orgasms?

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3 Reasons AFAB People Might be Making Up Their Moans

If you’re a cis-het woman or someone who has had sex with one, you may be well acquainted with fake orgasms. Whether or not you can tell if an orgasm is fake or not is a different topic altogether.

Fake orgasms are so common, in fact, that they’re normalized by pop culture and widely accepted as a part of (mostly cis-het) sex. But why is that?

What is a fake orgasm?

A fake orgasm is exactly what it sounds like: an orgasm that isn’t real.

For people with penises, faking orgasms can be a bit harder but there’s generally a lack of ejaculate and a focus on creating the most believable O-face possible.

For people with vulvas, fake orgasms tend to cum - ahem, come - with a surplus of moans and a serious lack of naturally occurring pelvic floor contractions. And these are the folks we’re going to focus on here. After all, part of our mission at Lioness is to bridge the orgasm gap and it’s been shown that significantly fewer men are faking orgasms compared to women.

So why do women fake orgasms?

Contrary to what some may believe, the answer to this question isn’t as simple as it may seem. In fact, the reasons women fake orgasms are deeply rooted in society’s shortcomings with sex education, disregard for pleasure for bodies that aren’t men, and generations of shame public and personal shame.

Here are just a few reasons why the women in your life may have faked an orgasm or two (or three...or way more if we’re being honest):

1. They really like you…

In a relationship where one sexual partner feels secure based on their ability to pleasure a partner, orgasm can feel like a holy grail. A trophy of sorts, even.

And if a woman is super into her partner in some capacity, boosting their confidence can feel good….even if the orgasm isn’t real. Some women simply fake orgasms because they want to make their partners feel good about themselves.

While it’s a little selfless and has potential for martyr points, it’s important to ask yourself some key questions:

  • If you’re the person wondering if your partner’s orgasms are fake, do you consider it lying or deceitful for them to fake it? Can you accept the reality of not bringing them to orgasm if you’d rather they were truthful without internalizing it?
  • If you’re the person faking orgasms, how are you going to handle if your partner feels lied to should they realize or discover that you’ve been faking your orgasms? Are you prepared to honestly discuss your personal relationship with orgasm and pleasure in a healthy way if needed?
woman looking down and bothered

Photo by Fabian Bächli on Unsplash

2. ...Or at least don’t want to lose you...

With many people being goal-oriented during sex, the idea of a partner working hard to give an orgasm and still not having one can cause insecurity.

For some women, having a sexual partner appear to not "be able" to bring them to orgasm can be mortifying and nerve-wracking. It’s easy for the what-if’s set in:

What if they don’t enjoy sleeping with me because I am not orgasming? What if they seek pleasure somewhere else in a way that violates the rules of our relationship? What if they decide they no longer want to sleep with me?

In this situation, faking an orgasm gives a false sense of security where insecurity runs rampant. By letting a partner think they’re pleasuring them to the fullest extent, these fakers feel like they’re securing the relationship—whatever it is to them. But that means they’re also running the risk of feeling like they’re losing everything if the truth comes out.

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3. They may be unfulfilled by sex right now.

It cannot be stressed enough that a sex life without exploration and novelty is a sex-life half lived for most folks. But it can often feel hard approaching the subject of wanting more in bed, especially if you’re not sure if your partner feels the same.

When the idea of discussing how to improve their pleasure feels like it’s off-limits or too daunting to approach, some women resort to faking orgasms. Obviously, this puts them in a position to accept less than what they want, devalue their own pleasure and, often turn sex into a chore instead of something fun and pleasurable.

Fake it till you can make it better.

These are only three of the simpler, easier-to-understand reasons a woman might fake an orgasm. But it’s important to acknowledge that some women may have entirely different reasons (like anorgasmia, which is the inability to orgasm).

When it comes down to it, fake orgasms are another part of sex that some of us may or may not be okay with. In order to address them, however, we need to leave shame at the door and focus on the real problem solvers: communication and exploration!

Start exploring with The Lioness Vibrator!

lioness app and smart vibrator

Lioness is the first and only vibrator that helps you improve your orgasms.

The world’s most advanced vibrator. Precision sensors let you literally see your arousal and orgasm. Experiment, understand yourself, and have better orgasms—after all, as the saying goes, “never measured, never improved.”

Click here to learn more about the Lioness.

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