If we had to choose one of the most common questions we get asked at Lioness, it’s whether or not we’ve found a magic something that gives you the *best* orgasm ever.
Believe it or not, the “best orgasm ever” looks different for everyone. Any <fill in the blank> quality is fair game when it comes to better orgasms; sometimes better is more intense, faster, or even multiple.
But regardless of the superlative you choose, there is one thing we all agree on: we want something amazing when it comes to our orgasms. With so many products out there promising better, faster, and stronger orgasms, the motivation to heighten our pleasure can drain bank accounts or leave us staring in the headlights with decision paralysis altogether. We obsess over it and add orgasm improvements to our to-do lists.
But obsession is not always a positive thing, and striving for better and better results has the ability to ruin present experiences. Constantly seeking better and forgetting to enjoy the “practice” part of “practice makes perfect” can backfire by leading us to believe we don’t have enjoyable experiences now.
And if that’s how you feel now, then it may not be long till you never feel good enough no matter how “good” you get.
Still, we digress. You didn’t come here to learn mindful masturbation (though we recommend giving it a try). You came here for those superlatives: better orgasms, better arousal, and the data to go along with it (courtesy of the Lioness Vibrator).
So how do I have better orgasms?
The answer to this question is more complicated than you may think. Honestly, if it was a simple answer our article here could be much shorter.
But as with most things, the reality is messy.
I’ll show you what I mean with data
It’s no secret we’ve been able to quantify and visualize the variety of experiences of pleasure. As a result, we’ve seen firsthand how developing new learning tools can benefit the people who seek them out.
Still, there isn’t a neat, little package of qualities or tips that will guarantee better sex for everyone. Data can help describe experiences, though, and that’s what we’re here to do.
Take a look at real examples of strong/fast/slow/long/quick orgasms from Lioness Vibrator users:
1. The best orgasms aren’t always stronger
A number of folks gasp when they see charts that include very dramatic pelvic floor contractions. They think that having hard, intense orgasms must be extremely pleasurable. Hearing from a person who has had these experiences though, stronger doesn’t always mean better. Here’s an excerpt about their experience (from our article on edging):
“My first orgasm was a little too overwhelming to be pleasurable. I usually tense up during orgasm, but this one was way too much. It was as if it came on before I was ready, but once it was there I couldn’t stop it. You can see in the graph the short but very strong period of contractions. This orgasm was meh, and I wasn’t 100% satisfied, so I kept going.
The second orgasm was a little harder to get to — it took more time, more work, more patience. But the result was way more pleasurable. I didn’t tense up nearly as much as I did before, so I was better able to enjoy the orgasm and let it go longer. You can see this in the graph — the period of heightened contractions is longer, though less “strong” in terms of the contractions.”
2. Speedy orgasms can stop the party before it really gets started.
Some people are obsessed with having a quick orgasm. This desire makes sense; culture in the U.S. encourages a go-go-go attitude, so the idea of pausing to spend just a little more time in bed might seem like a daunting endeavor. Add to that the number of us who have felt self-conscious about whether we’ll orgasm at all or have had bad experiences hearing from partners about how we take so long … well, the stress alone might cause us to take longer to orgasm (if it happens at all).
But the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side … the people who are fast at climaxing (one friend described it as being a “two-pump chump”) may feel like they are unable to fully appreciate and build up their pleasure in a way that’s, well, pleasurable.
This experience is best exemplified by Lioness co-founder Anna’s experience using pot lube:
“My whole masturbation session lasted 3x longer than normal. One thing I’ve learned while being a part of Lioness is that I’m a quicker masturbator than most. Most of my sessions last about 2 minutes… I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing, but I know a lot of people who see my graphs like to point it out in their surprise while I fluster to try to come up with a reason.
With the weed lube though, I lasted for 5 minutes and 28 seconds…and every second was so enjoyable I didn’t want it to stop.”
In other words, fast isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes being able to spend more time can mean that there’s more time to build up for a longer, more pleasurable climax. This is just one reason why edging is popular. Prolonging the build-up of an orgasm can ultimately produce a more pleasurable climax.
3. Having a “tighter” pelvic floor does not mean a better orgasm
Another common assumption we see is that having a tighter pelvic floor is better. Often followed by comments about practicing Kegels and fears of having a “loose vagina.”
Contrary to this, however, we’ve found that tighter is not necessarily better. Practicing Kegels has a time and place, but overdoing it, doing them in an incorrect way, or doing them when you don’t need them may do more harm than good.
Lioness’s own CEO & Co-founder Liz Klinger has personally gotten comments that some of her charts make her look “tight,” with the presumption that her orgasms in those moments are better.
“But some of my best experiences have been when I’m relaxed, both physically and mentally, “ says Klinger. “What I’ve found for myself is that tightness can decrease the range my muscles can move, and that can sometimes mean less pleasurable orgasms.”
Left: Orgasm while being tighter. Right: Orgasm while being more relaxed
Think of it like moving your arms — if you’ve been to a physical therapist, for something like arm pain, they’ll test the range of motion in your arms. If you have limited motion and your arm is tight when trying certain movements, you may have gotten that from an injury. You would likely be taught exercises to stretch, loosen, or tone certain muscles.
Likewise, it’s a similar concept with the pelvic floor. Having a constantly clenched up pelvic floor from doing too many Kegels, lack of exercise, or from having trouble relaxing your limbs, can also inhibit your pleasure.
“Other times I’ve personally witnessed tighter not necessarily being better,” says Klinger, “if I drink too much (too much alcohol = dry vag usually accompanying a bout of anxiety) or trying certain toys that use suction to stimulate (too much stimulation so my body recoils instead of relaxes). This isn’t everyone’s experience with these things, of course, but the general takeaway you should think about from my experiences is that there are certain things that make you feel a certain way, and whatever it is, that can be helpful or inhibitive to your pleasure.”
4. Orgasm without toys are not necessarily a superior form of orgasm
Do vibrators cause you to get desensitized and cause you to feel less pleasure? We’ve taken a deeper dive into the topic here (plus citations), but to summarize for this article, it seems like the answer is more than often no, vibrators (and other sex toys) don’t affect your long-term ability to experience pleasure and have orgasms:
“The research consensus is basically “no.” A direct survey of the topic has found that numbness/pain/irritation rarely result and when they do rarely last for more than one day.¹
In general, we actually see positive associations between vibrator use and satisfaction/orgasms during partnered sex.² ³ This is likely largely driven by the sexual openness of those who do use vibrators more, but vibrators at least don’t seem to be a detriment.”
There’s also a lot that goes into changes in your sex drive, so if you do notice something going on, take a holistic look at your overall physical and mental health, your relationship, and anything else that may have recently changed in your life.
5. Having multiple orgasms is not always better
Circled above: Multiple orgasms in one session.
One of the coolest things some people with vaginas can do is experience multiple orgasms. But “cool” is not synonymous with “the best.”
While some people who experience them cannot get enough of multiple orgasms, other folks are different. (Big surprise, right? 😂 It’s almost like the theme of this article is “It depends…”) For people who like multiple orgasms, the second and third can feel better than the first (often referred to as a “warm-up” orgasm. For people who don’t think they’re the best, however, multiple orgasms are hardly worth their effort.
One very small example is comparing our first Lioness Vibrator user who has “stronger” orgasms to Liz, CEO & Co-founder of Lioness. For the former, multiple orgasms are almost necessary since the subsequent ones were so much more enjoyable than the first. For Liz, however, she says “two is cool, but I’m happy with one good one too. Orgasms are great, but I have a company to run and the orgasms of thousands of other people in our Pride to worry about. 😉”
Left: First orgasm from above session. Right: Second orgasm.
It’s important to note that we are in no way discouraging trying new things. Experimenting with your pleasure is good and exciting. What you don’t want to do, however, is let yourself be too disappointed if you find that your body isn’t super into something that other people might rave about.
There’s always another time to try it or another experience you might end up enjoying more. The name of the pleasure game is finding something that feels good for you and your awesome body!
So what makes a “good orgasm”?
Are you sick of us saying “it depends?” We totally understand if you are...but we’re also going to keep saying it. Lying about what works and what doesn’t isn’t what we’re here for.
That said, we’ve got 3 recommendations for figuring out what your Best Orgasm Ever looks like:
1. Explore, explore, explore
We cannot recommend experimenting and trying new things enough when it comes to your pleasure. Just remember these ground rules:
- If you want to experiment with a partner, you have to communicate. Communicate your needs, any kinks or fetishes that turn you on, and your boundaries. Listen to theirs, and be honest with yourself about what you’re open to and what you’re not.
- Shit happens and you may experience a total flop. This is a normal part of sex and exploring your pleasure. Take it in stride; facing something that is funny, embarrassing or unexpected may require more vulnerability, but it’s great for intimacy and adventure—even if things didn’t go as planned.
2. Keep learning about your body
Brushing up on your anatomy, taking time to explore your body, and being an active student of pleasure can do wonders for finding what works for you.
Think of it like Sex Ed 201. Even if you think you know everything, there’s always something new to learn— especially with a topic like sexual pleasure that hasn’t gotten a lot of attention. Revisiting topics with a fresh perspective is also a great way to earn something you may not have known before.
Combine this with the natural changes your body will go through in life and you’re off to a great start ensuring the most fun and pleasurable sexual relationship you can have with yourself.
If you’re unsure of where to start learning, check out some of the topics we’ve already covered:
- Is my vulva normal?
- What is the g-spot?
- Where is the clitoris?
- How to masturbate when you have a vagina
- Sex books for every topic imaginable
Chances are you didn’t have best sex education growing up, and we’re here to help fill those gaps.
3. Prioritize your overall health, not just your genital health
The human body is a system in which everything is connected. When something goes wrong, it can have a ripple effect on your overall health. In fact, health problems, stress, certain medications, injuries and more can all affect your physical, mental, and sexual health alike.
Keep an eyes out for changes in your sex drive, arousal, and desire, and don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor if you see something different or feel like something is off. While it can be easy to discount sexual health and our libido as an “extra” of being human, these aspects of being human have actually been linked to other, bigger issues.
Not quite convinced? Ground breaking correlations between bodily health and sexual health have been found. One of the most notable is the link between erectile dysfunction and heart and circulation health. In the 90’s, as Viagra gained popularity, men were seeking the pill out from their doctors which, in turn, allowed doctors to spot heart disease earlier than they previously would have.
Now, there hasn’t been a whole lot of research into genital arousal and heart health for women and people with vaginas, but like we mentioned, other things are already known to have adverse effects on libido and sexual satisfaction. Sometimes it’s the difference between PMS and PMDD, other times it’s the benefit of working through emotional trauma to get back to a place of sexual pleasure.
The point remains: if you feel like something is off or wrong, seeking a doctor’s advice and striving for health is never a bad idea. It may make your sex life better, or save your life altogether.
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Want to find your best orgasm? The Lioness may be able to help!
Lioness is the first and only vibrator that helps you improve your orgasms.The world’s most advanced vibrator. Precision sensors let you literally see your arousal and orgasm. Experiment, understand yourself, and have better orgasms — after all, as the saying goes, “never measured, never improved."
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