How To Share Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner | Lioness

How to Share Sexual Fantasies with Your Partner

couple in bed laughing

By Stephanie Delgado

In the world of sex, fetishes and fantasies are often viewed as taboo. While you can lean toward science and studies to tell you that they’re not actually that uncommon, chances are you’ve got the best possible person to share your sexual fantasies with; your partner.

Still, figuring out how to share your sexual fantasies with someone may seem difficult at first. If you’ve never approached the subject, you may be unsure of what to ask, how to ask it, and how to react.

Fortunately, we’ve compiled a simple list of tips and tricks for how to talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies and theirs:

Tip #1: Leave Judgement at the Door

Before you share your fetishes with your partner, you need to be prepared to embrace theirs too. Fetishes and fantasies are not necessarily someone’s choice. Making sure you’re ready to accept the person you love from the things that turn them on is important.

That doesn’t mean you are consenting to engage in any behaviors or scenarios they share, though. Being accepting of your partner’s fantasies simply means you are listening to them without judgment.

Consider whether you can accept your partner if they share a fetish with you that you do not understand or identify with:

  • Can you handle your partner saying they’re into Dom/Sub relationships?

  • What about if they’re interested in using sex toys in the bedroom on you or themselves?

  • Are you going to look at your partner differently if they fantasize about having sex with someone other than you?

If you don’t think you’re ready to hear things like that, you’re not ready for this conversation. Do yourself and your partner a favor and don’t proceed until you can guarantee your conversation will be free of kink-shaming.

Open conversations about sex should bring you and your partner closer.

Pro-tip: If you’re not sure if you’re ready for your partner to share sexual fantasies with you, familiarize yourself with some of the most common fetishes before initiating the conversation.

couple holding hands and drinking coffee

Tip #2: Create and Respect Boundaries

In a perfect world, everyone would be able to explore all of their fantasies with their partner’s support. But like we mentioned, sexual fantasies differ from person to person and we’re almost certain you and your partner will not agree on every single turn on you discuss.

Before you explore your partner’s sexual fetishes, make sure you explore your own. Knowing what turns you on and what doesn’t is essential. This will help you in two ways:

  1. You’ll be able to clearly share your sexual fantasies with your partner, and
  2. You’ll be able to consent to the fantasies they share that you are okay with while clearly maintaining your boundaries where you are not comfortable

On the same note, you need to respect your partner’s boundaries as well. If you’re not sure what this looks like, these ground rules are a great place to start.

Most importantly, unless you and your partner consent with an unmistakable “yes,” there should be no expectation of your sexual fantasies becoming realities.

 

Tip #3: Active Listening & Conscious Responding

Sharing sexual fantasies can be difficult. This can be true for whoever is sharing and whoever is listening. This is why it’s so important to make sure you are actively listening and consciously responding.

How to Actively Listen to Your Partner

There is a difference between listening to your partner and hearing what they say. While your partner shares their fantasies, make sure you’re doing everything you can to really pay attention to them:

  • Make eye contact

  • Don’t interrupt

  • Repeat what they’ve said back to them to make sure you understood them

How to Consciously Respond to Your Partner

When it’s your turn to speak, you need to choose your words carefully. Fetishes and fantasies are personal; when you openly disapprove of them, you risk making your partner feel attacked or unaccepted.

Instead, choose words that accept your partner for who they are while respecting your own boundaries. Say things like “I accept that BDSM turns you on, but I do not share that fetish. Maybe we can talk more about the parts about it that turn you on, but for now I am not ready to explore that kink.”

How you react to your partner will impact how they react to you. It has bigger implications than just establishing which sexual fantasies you and your partner may share.

Positive, conscious reactions will help maintain a positive sexual relationship - even if your fetishes are different!

couple laughing

Tip #4: Have Fun!

Talking about sex can be one of the sexiest things you and your partner do with each other. It’s also a great time to explore your partner mentally and emotionally, ultimately increasing your intimacy.

Don’t share your fantasies in a way that feels heavy or psychoanalytical. Have fun expressing your fantasies and encourage your partner to talk about theirs.

Who knows, maybe some of your verbal exploration will turn into physical exploration!

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