A Guide to Foreplay for Busy People

By Brittany Risher

Sometimes the intensity and spontaneity of a quickie satisfies your sex craving. And especially when you and your partner both have over-packed calendars, something's better than nothing. But other times, a slow buildup with plenty of foreplay leads to increased intimacy, lower inhibitions, and more enjoyable sex. Most of us even want more of it: While foreplay tends to last only 12 minutes, both sexes would like it to last about 18 minutes.

In that spirit, here's everything you need to know about foreplay, plus ideas for how to liven it up if you want more than the typical makeout session.

First off, what exactly is foreplay?

Foreplay is defined as “erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse.” So it's pretty open to interpretation. And it doesn't even have a time limit. Sending sexts to your partner while you're both at work in the afternoon counts as foreplay just as much as kissing, oral sex, and spanking in your bedroom do. You can also engage in foreplay without any intercourse.

Great, but why is foreplay important?

In short, foreplay almost always leads to better sex. You'll feel closer and more attracted to the other person, which will only make you more excited and into it. It also increases blood flow to the genitals and causes the penis, clitoris, labia, breasts, and nipples to swell. And for those with a vagina, foreplay increases natural lubrication and causes the uterus to pull up, creating more room in the vagina. This can help make penetration more pleasurable.

Sounds awesome. How do I get my partner on board?

Introducing foreplay doesn't take much. What turns you on? What turns your partner on? Once you know that, use it to your advantage and experiment. Foreplay is also a great opportunity to introduce things you're interested in and haven't tried yet.

Once you get started, if your partner wants to move full speed ahead to intercourse, say, “Let's take it slow tonight.” Then, if they try to push the accelerator, tell them how good it feels when they kiss or massage a certain body part—can they do that all over? You may also want to take their hands and show them how you want to be touched. Or try tying them up so you control the speed.

On the other hand, if your partner isn't in the mood and you are, suggest giving each other massages, showering together, or use some dirty talk. Whatever you choose to do, when you're in the middle of it, tell them how turned on you're getting. That's often all you need to get them on board.

Foreplay Tips and Tricks

The best foreplay comes down to personal preference. But if you've exhausted all the touching, kissing, and other basic techniques you can think of and you want to try something new, consider some of these ideas:

1. Introduce sex toys

Show your partner how you like best to use your Lioness vibrator, or ask them to show you how they use theirs. You can also use your Lioness together or try other couples sex toys. You'll likely find new ways and new body parts to arouse each other.

2. Sensation play

Sensation play is when you use all five senses to heighten your pleasure. So you might brush a feather along their skin, use a whip to spank them, or alternate kissing, licking, and nibbling for touch. For sound, try tuning into each other's moans, breathing, and grunting. Scented candles, lotion, or essential oils can tease your sense of smell. You can get your taste buds in on the action by enjoying aphrodisiacs like dark chocolate or oysters, or use flavored lube (or just whipped cream) and have fun licking it off every inch of each other. Lastly, visually, you can watch porn together or use a blindfold, which can heighten your other senses.

3. BDSM and kink

Whether you're into bondage, roleplay, group sex, dominance, submission—whatever you prefer—if you enjoy BDSM or kink and your partner(s) is consensual, by all means, add it to your foreplay repertoire!

4. Oral sex

Going down on your partner gets the blood flowing and typically skyrockets desire for both of you. Try these tips for giving amazing cunnilingus, and for fellatio, many of the same rules apply: Communicate, go slowly, use different combinations of your tongue and entire mouth, and consider incorporating a sex toy.

Whatever you prefer, the goal is pleasure, so don't overthink it. Do what feels right for you and your partner, and welcome the opportunity to experiment with new things. You may love being handcuffed while your partner uses a vibrator on you, but you'll never know if you don't try.

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