It’s Anal August and I’m willing to butt—I mean, bet that you’re considering celebrating. Before you scoot your boot into the sack and go bottoms up, we’ve put together a quick guide to having anal sex.
Now, on to the main event:
Step 1: Communicate With Your Partner(s)
Assuming you’re having anal sex with at least one partner, the first step is the same as any other sexcapade you want to engage in: communication.
Talking to your partner(s) about how you want to be penetrated, whether you’re comfortable with poop or not, and what is okay and what is not is key to having a good time.
Some great anal sex conversation starters are:
- Have you ever had anal sex before? If you have, what was your experience like? If you haven’t, what can I do to make sure you’re comfortable?
- Is there a position you prefer?
- What kind of lube do you want to use?
- Which one of us will be responsible for providing an external condom for the sex toy and/or penis being used for penetration?
- What parts of your body can I focus on to increase your pleasure while we have anal sex?
- How can we reconnect after we try anal sex?
Step 2: Don’t Forget the Lube
When preparing for anal sex, you can never have too much lube. Expect to apply and reapply as needed to reduce the risk of pain and tears.
Simply put: your butthole is made for things to come out of and does not self-lubricate. Putting things into it for pleasure can feel great...but only if you use lube to reduce friction.
Just remember, not all lubes are created equal! If you’re using a glass dildo, consider using a silicone-based lube that will stay slippery longer than water-based lube. If, however, you’re using a latex condom or silicone sex toy, you’ll need to make sure your lube is compatible with that material. (Don’t worry if you’re not sure, we’ve got an excellent guide to choosing lube here.)
Step 3: Get as Aroused as Possible
Now that you’ve talked it out and have all the lube you can possibly need, it’s time to get it on...
But wait! Do not go straight for the butthole!
Some folks suggest having an orgasm before penetrating the anus, others suggest that you just be really turned on first. Whichever you choose is up to you, but the idea remains the same: being aroused by other stimulation helps relax the anus (and the rest of the body) in order to make penetration easier.
If you’ve got a clitoris, consider rubbing it or using a vibrator while you’re being anally penetrated. If you’ve got a penis, consider using your hand or a masturbation sleeve for the same reason.
Step 4: Stay In The Moment
It’s important to pay attention to what’s happening while you have anal sex - but we don’t mean that in an unsexy way.
For those of you being penetrated, pay attention to what feels best. Are you partial to a lot of lube and faster thrusts? Did you almost cum when the lube dried a bit more and things slowed down?
For those of you penetrating, pay attention to your partner. If they’re moving away when you’re thrusting deeper, ask them if they’d like you to ease up. If you noticed your partner’s anus seemed less relaxed when you went slow, ask them what you can do differently.
Communicating before anal sex is important but the same is true during the act. This helps keep the experience pleasurable.
Step 5: Aftercare
Aftercare is something more commonly associated with the BDSM community, but it’s a practice all lifestyles and kinks should add to their sexual toolbox.
It’s as simple as it sounds: taking care after sex. For some, this looks like laying and cuddling to reconnect after a particularly passionate or intense sexual experience. For others, it can be giving someone alone time to process their experience so they can bring it up later.
No matter what aftercare looks like for you, make sure you’re making space for it after anal sex.
The Bottom Line
Pun totally intended.
When you’re intentional about preparing for and taking part in it, anal sex can be very pleasurable. Communication and lube truly are the anal MVP’s though, so make sure you have a surplus of both.
Now obviously this guide is for those of you who are considering “anal sex” that is closer to pegging or penis-in-anus sex than it is to anal play with butt plugs, fingers, etc. If you’re not quite ready to jump into butt sex, take a look at our Beginner’s Guide to Anal Play if you need tips for getting starting with something smaller.
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