Pegging: A Beginner's Complete Guide for You and Your Partner | Lioness
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Want to Try Pegging? A Beginner's Complete Guide for You and Your Partner

By: Meagan Drillinger

TJ, a 35-year-old, confidently heterosexual man, felt secure in his two-year relationship with his girlfriend. But he was keeping a secret: he’d begun to experiment with anal sex, and he wanted his partner to join him.

“I had trouble asking for it at first, and still do,” said TJ, who asked to remain anonymous. “I’m trying to let go and enjoy being taken. It’s not something I’d want my friends to know, but I’m starting to care less these days.”

No, anal sex is not just for gay men. Because all men have prostates. And whether you're gay or straight, when a man's prostate is stimulated it feels pretty damn good.

Pegging, a practice when a person uses a strap-on for the purpose of anal sex with their partner, can help heterosexual men realize these fantasies. Like TJ, many men fear asking for anal sex will cause their female partners to question their masculinity. With open communication, women can help their heterosexual partners feel more comfortable with exploring their own sexuality.

Talk It Out

Before anything sexual, the best and most important thing is to communicate with your partner. Sex is always an act between two people (or more. Who cares as long as it's consensual?).

Prostate pegging

But women may have to broach this topic. The truth is, many heterosexual men are already experimenting with anal sex on their own, and might be too ashamed to tell their female partners.

"[Anal sex] is a source of pleasure for many cisgendered men, who have kept it a secret from their cisgendered partners," said Doug Braun-Harvey, co-founder of the Harvey Institute, a center for helping individuals and organizations integrate sexual health principles to improve personal well-being. "Fear of letting this pleasure be known to a partner is so intense for some men that they will avoid it for decades."

Dynamics of Power

The first time a woman pegs a man, or a man allows a woman to peg him, is going to be intense, nerve-wracking, and maybe even emotional.

Pegging requires an intense shift in power, which can open the door for a lot of fun role playing scenarios if both people are into it. But it's important to respect whatever orientation your partner holds towards submission or domination, receivers or givers. Talk about where these messages come from. Expressing longing or desire is important for everyone to feel heard and understood.

"I've had professional athletes that I've worked with, men who are seen as 'macho,'" said Braun-Harvey. "What I have found with those folks is that this is deeply meaningful for them because it gives them a space on the planet where they don't have to be in charge. The vulnerability of asking for it is not only a source of pleasure, but where they get to be vulnerable."

And let's not forget that pegging, when done respectfully and correctly, is all about the pleasure.

"The P spot is real," said Kevin, 29. "And it's amazing."

Test the Waters

After you’ve talked it out with your partner and you’ve decided to move forward, the next step is to take it slowly.

"For many hetero couples, anal sex is not included in their sexual repertoire for many reasons," said Dr. Rosara Torrisi, an AASECT Certified sex therapist and founder of the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy in New York. "We usually hear about anal sex being physically uncomfortable."

Dr. Torrisi recommends the need for lube (and lots of it), and space for relaxation. She also recommends starting slowly with anal dilators. Of course, there are lots of ways to relax and ease your way into it, like anal massagers.

"When I first started there were things about [being pegged] that I did not like," said Robert, 42. "One woman got rough with me and I told her to ease up. Although, now after some time I think I'd want to maybe try that again."

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